Nurturing Threads: Maintaining Filaments of Relationship to the Broader World Amid Childless Grief
This article is part two in a seven-part series offering my reflections on Francis Weller's "Six Elements of an Apprenticeship with Sorrow."
For context, please read part one first.
For the past five months, I have enjoyed studying with Francis and the diversely accomplished co-facilitators in his Grief Ritual Facilitator Training. In true Francis Weller style, the training included an invitation to explore and continue remembering how to be with my grief as a pathway to developing the capacity to take the facilitator's seat. This series of articles is a continuation of this exploration and remembering.
Maintaining filaments of relationships to the broader world
Grief is isolating in a society that has forgotten the role of authentic community and values the privatization of emotion to the nuclear family structure. For those outside the nuclear family structure, another layer of isolation is added.
When the natural world is treated as if it solely exists for resource extraction and personal gain, we eradicate an important generative source of belonging.
We need to remember extensive kinship networks are available outside of the nuclear family and with other than human beings.
We must maintain connections with this extensive kinship network to remain entangled despite the despair we encounter and the pull toward hiding. This means recognizing kinship with humans, other than human beings and the natural world around us. Amid this landscape of childless grief, maintaining filaments of connection to the broader world emerges as an essential aspect of grief work. It becomes a vital aspect of healing and resilience.
Kinship with Humans
In the depths of grief, it is all too easy to retreat into isolation, to cloister oneself away. Navigating childless grief in isolation can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair. Seeking support from understanding friends, family members, or mental health professionals can provide invaluable validation, empathy, and guidance. Online communities and support groups tailored to childless folk offer a sense of belonging and solidarity amidst shared struggles. Francis offers the wisdom that grief is not a solitary endeavour but a communal one, where we walk hand in hand, offering and receiving support.
We find solace, strength, and belonging in the tender communion of shared sorrow and humanity. Maintaining connections to other humans takes on a poignant resonance for those navigating the landscape of childless grief.
Engage in Meaningful Connections
Maintaining filaments of relationship with the broader world involves engaging in meaningful connections. Whether through friendships, hobbies, support networks, volunteer work, or creative pursuits, nurturing connections that nourish you fosters a sense of purpose and fulfillment independent of your childless identity. It also helps you find points of shared humanity: common shared experiences and emotions, which are the basis of connection and feeling part of something bigger than yourself.
Kinship with More Than Human Beings
Amidst nature's beauty and stillness, grief finds expression in the cycles of life and death, in the eternal rhythm of creation and dissolution. Through a relationship with the natural world, we are reminded of the impermanence of all things and that we are not spared from these cycles. For me, this gives grief a rightful place. In the built environment, the implication of control makes grief and loss feel foreign and wrong, something we can avoid with enough careful planning and maintenance.
I feel a deep sense of' rightness' when I spend time outside in the woods or by the sea with my dogs. I don't know how else to describe it. It isn't always fun, easy or joyful - especially if it is cold and raining - but even then, there is a feeling of belonging and understanding I have difficulty reaching elsewhere.
You do not need to live rurally, by the sea or have pets to cultivate these relationships. Where are the pockets of green where you live?
How do you foster connections and belonging to the broader world of kinship with humans and more than human beings?
Remembering and exploring relationships with the broader world amid childless grief is a journey of courage, resilience, and self-discovery available to us all.
